Sporocidionia
by TotallyGetsSpock
Summary: The Doctor and Professor River Song visit a planet covered in carnivorous green rose bushes with violet leaves. The natives seem to have died out. What will the roses eat now? How can the bricks be new?  T to be safe. Just paranoia. Or is it?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Alright, I know I haven't updated for a long time. I know that. Sorry.

The sun shines brightly onto the brick pathway on which the TARDIS is materializing, the dense conglomerations of grass-green rose bushes with violet colored leaves raising their heads as the light flashes on their faces, the wind blows coldly, sweeping through the purple grass.

"When I open these doors, we will be the very first to step foot on this glacier for a millenium! No one will come here for the next thousand-"

River rolls her eyes slightly and pushes the doors open and indicates the rose bushes, stepping onto the warm red brick pavement as the morning's heat is transferred from the bricks to the air, waves appearing in the air.

"Hm. Glaciers. Interesting..."

The Doctor's shoulders slump a little.

"Or Sporocidionia."

"Mhm. About 40 degrees Fahrenheit (A/N: about... 5.5 degrees Celsius), main vegetation is rose bushes, no intelligent life forms registering, and predicted to be cool and sunny for the rest of the day. Unless you have something to add, sweetie?"

River gives him a competitive glance and smiles.

The Doctor puts on his pouting face.

"Wrong. There was intelligent life here that supposedly died off a few years ago. As to why-"

"Please don't tell me you had something to do with this- you've made enough of a name for yourself already. I think five unflattering names is enough for one decade, don't you?"

The Doctor shoots a deadly glare to River, but she ignores him and wanders off.

"River, rule number-"

River shivers and snaps rather impatiently, her voice smoothing into sheer silk as she speaks.

"No, rule number one is that the Doctor lies. And I'm getting my coat. Don't get yourself killed while I'm gone, will you?"

The Doctor scoffs and starts to lean against a rose bush.

"Ah!"

River snickers slightly.

"That's not funny, River!"

Melody disappears into the TARDIS, wandering into the wardrobe, selecting a coat for this planet, emerging instants later.

"Honestly, that woman will be the death of me..."

"Spoilers, sweetie!"

The Doctor looks at her in shock.

"What do you mean by that?"

River smiles, and leans in, as if for a kiss.

"Spoilers."

"Now. There has to be a reason we're he- whoa-"

"What is it?"

The Doctor turns, and River notices that he is trembling slightly and paling.

"Those natives that disappeared? They're still here. I just need to sit down, the roses are moving..."

"Doctor- the roses ARE moving. Doctor?"

The Doctor's face now holds a vacant expression, his eyes are unfocused.

The rose bushes begin to eye him up, smacking their jaws with a crunching sound.

"Don't touch him. Leave him alone."

River tries to pull the Doctor out of the fray, one hand on her unholstered gun and the other on the Doctor, but the bush shoots a thorn at her.

"You bloody bush you're... swaying..."

River fires three shots in the bush's general direction, fighting to stay awake, blinking as the struggle to remain conscious intensifies. She fires two more shots, and the bush seems to be injured, losing heads that scream as they fall to their deaths and land, smouldering, blackening as they burn green in the purple grass. She tries to fire again, but can't grip her gun and it falls from her limp fingers.

River drops, unconscious, as the Doctor is pulled into the clutches of the rose bush.

Both binary cardiovascular systems work full tilt, trying to expel the toxin.

The bush drags the bleary-eyed Doctor in, until he realizes that he is trapped.

The Doctor shouts in terror as the carnivorous rose bush nearest to him leaps up, opening its jaws and roaring at him, then squeezes his torso with its thorn-covered talons, causing the time lord to struggle and try to remove the talons with his hands, causing gashes to form. He kicks out at the bush, and elicits a cry of pain as his ribs start to fracture due to the increased pressure from the bush; the thorns embed themselves into his skin. Other bushes begin to take interest, eyeing him hungrily, licking their lips, and grabbing hold of him. Soon, he can hardly move at all.

"River! River, please! Help me!"

River remains motionless, still stunned by the thorn's poison, but untouched by the rose bushes.

"River..."

The Doctor's eyes droop closed as he drifts into oblivion, his wife's name on his lips.

A/N: That's it for now, sorry. I am working on the next chapter, but I've also managed to catch a cold (el gripe!). Well, it's a bad cold. Bad only because it's in my way. It's not severe because I've been taking echinacea (It's from those purple coneflowers. It kills colds.), multivitamin gummies (you can't actually digest a solid vitamin pill. Gummies or gelcaps are better.), and special vitamin D3 and C supplements; I am drinking a lot of orange juice, and am generally keeping my fluids up. I don't have a fever, yet. I just caught this thing, so we'll see. Don't worry- if I get worse, it won't take long for me to recover. I'll be back writing shortly after. For the next few days, you might not see me writing, though. I'll be sleeping, most likely.

Les aman con todo mi corazon. (I love you guys with all of my heart.) Sorry if my Spanish is bad. I'm in my second year of study.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Kudos to everyone who caught my huge mistake in my last author's note- it's "les amo" not "les aman". I'm sorry... I just learned this and experimentation takes a few days for me.

River stirs slightly, opens her eyes, then shuts them promptly as the bright light hits her retinas, groaning at the end of a blissful dream. She feels the slight increase in temperature in her vicinity indicating another's presence and waits for her eyes to adjust, taking in the chill of the concrete walls and floor, slight smell of damp, high humidity, and an ominous feeling deep in her stomach.

"Doctor?"

"I'm sorry, but he won't be speaking for a while."

Melody snaps awake, pupils dilating, blood flowing to her cheeks, fury evident on her features.

"What have you done with him!"

A humanoid woman with deep, slightly iridescent, emerald green eyes with a terra cotta ring in the center, bright red hair pulled into a neat bun, clad in a shimmering, cowl neck Earth ocean blue top and coffee brown slacks, a thin gold chain with a pendant resembling a sort of celtic knot with a small diamond in the center of the knot, hand extended, attempts to calm River.

"I'm sorry, by the time we got there..."

"No."

The woman's eyes crinkle in sympathy.

"He was in a right state. It took so bloody long to get the bushes off of him. I'm sorry-"

"Let me see him."

The woman nods and gestures to the left.

"Right this way."

The door to the Doctor's room was ajar, allowing a view of the time lord sleeping peacefully, seemingly fine.

Melody is at first relieved that the Doctor is alright, then alarmed as she realizes that they must have some sort of technology to allow them to do this, or she was out for longer than she thought.

"How long have I been out?"

"According to old Earth reckoning?"

"Yes."

"About... two weeks?"

"That's not possible..."

The woman gives a reassuring, yet slightly predatory, smile.

"I assure you, it is."

River absentmindedly tries to draw her gun, notices that it isn't there, and pulls a ceramic dagger out of her boot.

"I haven't gotten to use this one yet. Just replaced it. I'm eager to try it out."

The lady smirks.

"Interesting. You honestly think that'll work?"

The woman draws the Doctor's sonic screwdriver and disarms River with the press of a button.

"Why did you take that? Who are you?"

"What, this? I don't know why he even bothers having it. You can find this sort of rubbish anywhere."

The woman tosses the screwdriver away.

"Who are you?"

River demands.

"Tsk tsk, so impatient! Honestly, Melody, I don't know why you keep up this front."

"How do you know who I am?"

"Everyone does. You kill him. Haven't you told him yet?"

"No, I won't. I refuse!"

"But you must! You will. You _have_."

"I don't believe you."

"Sweet little Melody... I've known you for so long, but you never knew I was there. You forgot."

"You're-"

"Yes, I am. And I daresay you're going to need this."

The woman hands River an eyedrive.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Melody, everyone comes to realize that they need a Doctor. The universe isn't quite ready to be without him quite yet, and it won't be for quite a while."

"Spoilers."

"Yes, I suppose. Right now there are more important things. The Silents are coming. Make it a good show. They are watching, but they do not listen."

River wrestles away the screwdriver, retrieves her gun from the woman's pocket (which happens to be bigger on the inside), and grabs her knife.

"Go. Take him with you. Run."

River nods slightly.

"Thank you."

River puts a new coat of lipstick on and kisses her, making it appear like an attack, but carefully lowering the woman to the ground as she falls, and rushes to her husband, disconnecting the leads to his chest as the alarms blare.

A/N: I've been REALLY busy. If I wrote as well, I literally would not sleep most nights. Believe me, I would if I could, and I do when I can, rarely as that is.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: To my friends and my few, but charming, fans- I have been busy, as usual. Now I'm in rifle and will be twice as busy as normal! Sorry it's late for the millionth time...

The Doctor wakes to alarms and a whoosh of air indicative of a sudden change in motion. He wonders whether he should just keep pretending to be asleep or show whoever or whatever is holding him that he is indeed awake, so he simply lays limp in the warm arms.

"I know you're awake."

The Doctor's eyes snap open.

"How did you know?"

"You always tense when you wake up."

The Doctor lowers his voice.

"And you know this, how?"

River smiles, but keeps running.

"Spoilers."

"The Silents seemed determined to keep me ignorant. What happened? Was it really two weeks?"

"Two weeks? Two days, as far as I could tell. Then again, sedative does mess with one's sense of time, even when you _are_the lord of time."

River disregards the Doctor's rant.

"Then how are you in such good shape?"

"I'm afraid that's what they're trying to hide."

River's eyes widen.

"But they can't of-"

"Oh? And why are you so certain? Impossible things happen. But this wasn't impossible. It was staring me right in the face and I couldn't even see it."

"Now that we know, how do we stop them?"

The Doctor smirks.

"Oh, River, haven't you worked that out yet?"

River scowls at him.

"It's not that simple, sweetie. We've got a load of Silents on our tail! And they're catching up- I can see them."

The Silents come into view, long middle fingers extended, water dripping from their slimy forms, mouths open.

"No problem. Oi! Sexy!"

"Not now, sweetie!"

"I wasn't talking to you, River." The Doctor continues. "Sexy, emergency teleport!"

The TARDIS replies mentally to both Melody and the Doctor.

'You're ten feet away, do it yourself.'

River answers.

"Yes, but I've got an armload of this idiot, so can you open the door, at least?"

'And can you be a bit more polite, _at__least__?_ Honestly, you lot. You treat me like a machine.'

"You _are_ a machine! A sexy one, yes, but still a machine!"

'Doctor! Don't be so rude- we haven't even had our millionth date yet!'

"So sure?"

"There's a time and a place, Doctor, now darling will you kindly open the door!"

'I didn't hear a 'please'.'

River sighs wearily and rolls her eyes.

"Darling, please open your door."

'That's better.'

The TARDIS's door opens wide to admit both time-travellers.

"What ever happened to that zero room, old girl?"

'Which one? Your next regeneration loves it. He had it changed about five times.'

"Ooh, next regeneration! That's encouraging."

"Way to spoil. Thanks so much, darling."

'But the zero room on top of that outfit- you'd scare the Daleks so much they'd think Gallifrey had been restored.'

The Doctor's face darkens. River raises her eyebrows at the TARDIS.

"Now look what you've done," she mutters.

"Let's get you to the med bay, eh?"

"River, I'm fine."

"Yeah? After being in the Silents' lair for two days or more? I doubt that either of us are alright. Hey, darling?" River addresses the TARDIS. "Is there any residual toxin in either of our bloodstreams?"

'Well, do you want the short answer?'

"Just tell us," then, as an afterthought, "please."

'You're gonna have to detox. Just add it to the list of things that the Silents fail to do well.'

"Both of us?" The Doctor queried.

'You both were attacked by the rose bushes.'

"Okay. Let's get this over with, then."

A/N: I'm sorry it's awful. Hopefully the next one will be better!


	4. Chapter 4

"Okay, so we'll need... ginger beer, a sip of sodium bicarbonate dissolved in water, a biscuit, and a shock."

"Alright, we have all of that. The TARDIS has a detox cupboard. Shocking will have to come from an external source. You can hardly shock yourself and the TARDIS can't shock either of us, so we either shock each other or someone else does."

"Let's get started, then."

"Ladies first."

"Honestly, that gets old after a few decades, let alone a few centuries."

The Doctor purses his lips a bit and opens the cupboard, staring at River, and tries to pull the ginger beer out of the cupboard without looking at what he's doing, ending up falling flat on the floor. River bursts out laughing, then tries to contain it as she sees the expression on her husband's face.

"Just to save you a combined few decades, rule number eleven is don't try to impress River."

"What ever happened to 'spoilers'?"

"I'm the child of the TARDIS. I know what's safe and what isn't. And I don't feel like losing you in another of your hare-brained schemes to save all of reality."

"'Hare-brained'? Do you even know how you will- ?"

"Ah ah ah! No spoilers. You're not allowed to tell me yet."

The Doctor slowly boils with frustration.

"Right then, detox."

He tries to wrestle the cap off of the ginger beer bottle, grunting with effort and wincing as his hand begins to cramp.

"Urgh!"

River stands to the side, watching the scene with a slight grin. The Doctor continues to struggle. After a few minutes, he resigns himself to the fact that he is not good at opening bottles, and reluctantly asks River for help.

"River? Could you-?"

River grabs the bottle and opens it in one twist.

"Help."

He finishes his sentence and marvels at her bottle-opening ability.

"How did you-?"

River winks.

"Spoilers."

"RIVER!"

The Doctor composes himself and remembers that he only has so long to complete the detox before the poison takes full effect and kills him, and grabs the bottle, drinking half a cup, gritting his teeth at the intensity and fanning his mouth. River does the same, then reaches for the box of sodium bicarbonate, opening it and pulverizing the lumps, and mixing it with water, swallowing half with nary a grimace, daintily selecting a biscuit, then wolfing it down. The Doctor does likewise, then slaps River, triggering the detox. River kicks him in the solar plexus, also triggering his detox, and causing him to moan and roll on the floor.

"Oh stop being such a baby..."

He continues wincing, dragging himself up, gasping.

"River... high... heels!"

"Well, you asked for a shock!"

"A shock, not a kick! I clearly said 'shock'!"

"I don't see what you're complaining about, you're not dead."

"If I were dead, I couldn't complain!"

"If you were dead, we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place."

The Doctor's fists and jaw clench a bit and he resumes mental pouting.

A/N: I know, it's fluffy and stupid! And reversing the inhibitive enzymes or whatever the Doctor says, wouldn't be done the same way for every poison, so I switched it up a bit. Probably a bit lame, but y'know, you gotta experiment.


End file.
